At what age did you realize you were not immortal? How did you react to that discovery?
(Thank you for suggesting this prompt, Swoosieque.)
As I sit here eating my Frosted Flakes, and yes, my Firefox is working, at the moment…
I want to shout out to Swoosieque who I think just started following me, probably because of the name “Swoosieque” – “SuzyQ”, “OSuzyQuilts” – get it?
I don’t know when or why or how, but I realized I wasn’t immortal at a pretty young age, and when I was so young, how old, 6-8-10-12? I would lay awake at night, seeing the street light shining in the window, and think about . . . D Y I N G . . . ! ! !
Was it thinking of grandparents or other local hometown folks gone? I would lay there and thing “death” …, what happens when you die? Not immortal . . .
What does “FOREVER” mean?
That’s the part that made me get up and get a drink or go the bathroom, or read a book by the street light lamp – “FOREVER”, thinking of people from 1 A.D., Jesus, etc., and knowing they are DEAD! now, and “once you are DEAD, you are DEAD”, and do you recognize the passage of time? and “how long is forever?”…”
Scared me so much I would get up for ANY reason, sing, try hard to think of something fun and banal.
Now that I am older, I recognize these feelings for depression, hangover, paranoia, sleep deprevation, anxiety caused by drugs or caffeine or lack of sleep – and any number of other things. Plus, yes, it is still a massively crazy concept to get your head wrapped around!
Still, every so often, I’m lights off, dozing off to sleep, and I think,
“F-O-R-E-V-E-R!” just like in the movie, “The Sandbox” –
And, it scares me enough to get up and go the bathroom, read a book, turn on the TV to distract me – whatever it takes to calm me down to be able to sleep again.
Because, yes, IF and WHEN I think about it . . .
FOREVER is a VERY VERY VERY long, long, long, long, long, long, long time!
Most of the time, now, it doesn’t scare me, but every so often, less and less each year, some nighst I think about it – being dead – FOREVER – I can’t sleep right away and need another drink, some ZzzQuill or Benadryl, walking around my back yard, doing a bit of quilting, or even, writing a blog post…
Does “FOREVER” scare you?