Because . . . FOREVER!!!

Finite Creatures

At what age did you realize you were not immortal? How did you react to that discovery?

(Thank you for suggesting this prompt, Swoosieque.)

As I sit here eating my Frosted Flakes, and yes, my Firefox is working, at the moment…

I want to shout out to Swoosieque who I think just started following me, probably because of the name “Swoosieque” – “SuzyQ”, “OSuzyQuilts” – get it?

I don’t know when or why  or how, but I realized I wasn’t immortal at a pretty young age, and when I was so young, how old, 6-8-10-12? I would lay awake at night, seeing the street light shining in the window, and think about . . .     D Y I N G . . . ! ! !

Was it thinking of grandparents or other local hometown folks gone?   I would lay there and thing “death” …,  what happens when you die? Not immortal . . .

What does “FOREVER” mean?

That’s the part that made me get up and get a drink or go the bathroom, or read a book by the street light lamp – “FOREVER”, thinking of people from 1 A.D., Jesus, etc., and knowing they are DEAD! now, and “once you are DEAD, you are DEAD”, and do you recognize the  passage of time? and “how long is forever?”…”

Scared me so much I would get up for ANY reason, sing, try hard to think of something fun and banal.

Now that I am older, I recognize these feelings for depression, hangover, paranoia, sleep deprevation, anxiety caused by drugs or caffeine or lack of sleep – and any number of other things. Plus, yes, it is still a massively crazy concept to get your head wrapped around!

Still, every so often, I’m lights off, dozing off to sleep, and I think,

“F-O-R-E-V-E-R!” just like in the movie, “The Sandbox” -

And, it scares me enough to get up and go the bathroom, read a book, turn on the TV to distract me – whatever it takes to calm me down to be able to sleep again.

Because, yes, IF and WHEN I think about it . . .

FOREVER is a VERY VERY VERY  long, long, long, long, long, long, long time!

Most of the time, now, it doesn’t scare me, but every so often, less and less each year, some nighst I think about it – being dead – FOREVER – I can’t sleep right away and need another drink, some ZzzQuill or Benadryl, walking around my back yard, doing a bit of quilting, or even, writing a blog post…

Does “FOREVER” scare you?



OMG, another super weird thing happening – Firefox and Safari are not working but IE is.  Crap, and all my bookmarks, etc. are in Firefox!

Hubby says tonight at dinner that he usually watches everything video wise in Google Chrome, and it hasn’t been working on his 6-8 year old laptop.  Although it did fine until two days ago and he doesn’t know why it suddenly stopped working!

OMG, is that my problem tonight? How old is this computer?  How do I find out?  I know it’s nothing less than -6 years old, but how do I know?  Why did this font suddenly increase in size?  All on it own, seemingly?

What is going on, back to original font size?   OMG!

So, weird things are still happening these day while the grandkids are here.

Tonight, me and my daughters took HIMYM and Friends character quizzes on BuzzFeed and PlayBuzz to see which character we were.

Two of us Monica on one, the other Rachel. Then, I said, I would never be Barney, and we took HIMYM quizzes – two Marshalls, and I was Barney!

Now, even though IE is working, it is incrediby slow and stupid, and almost stopped responding? Agh!!!

So, we saw this cricket crawling across the floor in the living room, and then it went under the couch.  Later, we were sitting taking quizzes and talking, and the little cricket came out again.  High school daughter (#2) stepped on it with my flip flop, two or three times to kill it,  picked it up with a flyswatter, and I told her put it in the toilet and flush it, not in the trash, because it might not be dead yet, and I said – “I don’t ever kill crickets, I get a jar and take them outside.” and they were both like “Why?” and I said…

“Because… Jimminy Cricket from Pinnochio.” and because I heard it is bad luck to kill a cricket.

And they were “What?”

And, I said, also “I don’t eat deer.” and they were like, “okay, why?” and I said, “Because…a) yucky, and b) Bambi and his mom and my dad once killed a doe, and brought it home, and I remember someone carrying me down to the basement to see the dead deer that was in the cellar steps, and I remember her laying there, head to the floor, body on the stairs, and neck askew, bent backwards, clearly dead.  But also, I asked my dad within the past 6 year why I don’t remember having deer meat or deer stew, and he said, “I killed one deer, and that time I tried stew, sausage, frying, baking, etc, but I just didn’t care for deer meat.”

And then, a bit later, I went the bathroom, and came out to say, “Always flush the dead bugs.” BECAUSE Jimminy was still floating, and daughter #2 says, “I did.” and I said, “Learn!  This is why you always watch to see that they actually do go down!”

And, they said, I wasn’t hip, even though I know peoples are saying this “Because” thing right now, and it’s like current and trendy, “Because, no, how could you be current or trendy being like a Grandma and 53 years old and you must be totally out of it.” or something, Well, duh, of course, that’s exactly why I was saying it!

Okay, so I don’t know a lot of current lingo, but I do know some – even if I am still not sure I understand what a meme is.

So, yes, even though I am not a teenager born between 1995 and 2001, or in my 30’s born between 1975 and 1984, I was a child of the 60’s, albeit born in 1961, so yes, I’m not the hippie culture, but I knew about it later on in the 70’s, etc. So, duh, I can still act like I’m hip, aye?

Then, later, I have to close and lock the back gate “Because, son is coming to visit with dogs!” And, my teenage daughte was saying “like, why are you doing this?” and I said “Because, like ‘dogs’ tomorrow.” and she was like, “Oh, Mom…”

And, I am now like, “Am I past the age of being cool?  Perhaps so.   Aww,  Fonzie, I’m sorry, we aren’t “Cool” anymore!”

Like, “Because, aging sucks?”. . . .

Weird day

Weird things were happening yesterday.

First, the beater bar on my Kirby vacuum that I have had for 30 years, well, the end of the white side (those of you who have a Heritage II will know), melted while my daughter was vacuuming.  Probably had something to do with all the long hairs of her’s that were caught up on the side and on the thing that comes out and runs the belt around the beater bar.  But, still!  In the 30 years I have had this vacuum cleaner, I have only had to replace the beater bar like 2 or 3 times.

And now, for a Kirby infomercial.  Sorry, I don’t own stock in the company, nor am I a salesman, but I have to do this.  My high school senior daughter keeps telling me I need to buy a new vacuum (it’s so old, mom!),  but I can’t imagine that scenario – as I know how much I have spent on this one in the past 30 years.   Yes, it was around $800 to start, an exorbitant amount, BUT this Kirby Heritage II has/can suck up pennies, small pebbles, has only needed two or three beater bars (~$27), one light (~$20), and one fan (~$40), in 30 years – plus, of course, bags and belts.  Still,  I remember the first vacuum I ever owned – a Sears Kenmore (sorry, Sears, I have a sewing machine I like much, though) – cost $150, and it only lasted about 2 years.

I know others who have owned various and sundry vacuums costing anywhere from $100 to $400, through the years, and said vacuums crapped out within a year or four.

So I figure, if I had bought said vacuums, I would have spent $3,000 on vacuum cleaners.   As it is I have spent around $1,200 give or take. I know, it was a lot at first, but this baby takes a licking and keeps on sucking. Yes, this vacuum cleaner does suck, or it doesn’t? Or, it does??????

So, I go to the Kirby dealer, and the beater bar is wood.  WTF?  The guys says, “Yeah, the other ones were wood, too, only painted gray.  We haven’t had a metal beater bar since 1942.”  What!!!   Are you frigging kidding me?  Weird that, no? But,  hey, he gave me an otherwise ~$3 belt for free so, okay. Whatever.

So, next in this weird day.  My daughter decides that for toga day  – which I spent 2.5 hours helping her do this toga with a bolt of funky tye-dyed material I had  – about 4 yards – trying to wrap it in some togaty type fashion (Yes, I made up that word “togaty” ) – only to finally go with my original partially sewn design (which I came up with before we started the wrap idea) she finally agreed and it worked!  She couldn’t find appropriate belt in the drapery department at JoAnns or Hobby Lobby, so wants to do a leaf headpiece.  She calls me from Michael’s and says this leafy stuff is like $5 a piece, and doesn’t really specify how many pieces she would need – so I say – hey, we have tons of ivy outside, we could curve it into a headpiece and then she says “spray paint it gold” – so I say, okay…

Which we do. BTW, a small can of glittery gold spray paint costs $8? I think I would have said, how about just leaves, but I wasn’t at the store with her when she made the purchase.  Way to mark things up Michaels!

Then, I decide to help her out and spray paint the thong part of a pair of thong sandals in this gold glitter paint, and the can spritzes out nothing but gluish type residue, continuously, won’t stop – so, I’m like, fine, we won’t be putting a second coat on the ivy leaves.

And after the trip to Kirby dealer for beater bar and before the ivy glitter paint thing – I swept and mopped my kitchen floor – plus cleaned light fixtures over dining table and on kitchen ceiling fan   – which had lightbulbs to be removed first.  But, kitchen ceiling fan had CFL’s which I dropped and broke one, luckily before the sweeping and mopping.  Still, I didn’t don HAZMAT suit, but should I have????

Anyway, that was done, she comes home, we put together this ivy headpiece, go out on deck to spray paint it, and in the process, I cut too much ivy, whatever, get ivy stuck to my flip flops.  Later, go into her room to touch up paint we painted in August where someone hit it with something black, and she says after “Mom, take off your flips flops as they are tracking ivy leaves.” Darn, so I check and find one or two still stuck to my shoes.

But, the awesome, WTF, happened after she went to bed, after 1:00 a.m, to get up at 5:15 to do her hair and such, and I am walking through the kitchen, and see by the refrigerator something on the floor.  I am thinking, it’s a leaf that came off my shoe, and go to pick it up and throw it in the trash, but look closer, and


It’s a slug!!! (This if for AngloSwiss)  Yes, a slug, in my kitchen, by my refrigerator.  I’m so non-plussed at this point that I just find two napkins, pick the sucker up, and throw him out onto my deck.  I figure I can deal with him tomorrow!

Oh, and I forgot to add that my computer was acting up earlier, Firefox wouldn’t load  right, Yahoo toolbar didn’t work right, reloaded it, and now it might be working, maybe, maybe not right,  and why do I keep getting “high traffic” on NetGear Genie when I have three tabs open and no one else is up to be on a computer?  and, I have just noticed how your know how you type something and it suddenly shows up a couple seconds later? Yeah, that’s happening.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my TV is going out.  Granted we got this from my hubby’s work as “worthlessed” (he’s in the rent and sell business) – and this 42″ had a lighter streak down about the middle (not sellable, but not that noticeable) that we finally got used to or chose to ignore – and now had a black strip down the right side about  1/4 of the screen.  So, yeah, it’s pretty much done for!

And my other daughter is coming in less than two days with my two grand children, and WordPress has decided that it can word wrap in a space less than the screen (did it do this before and I just didn’t notice so much because my internet window wasn’t that big?

I think this is one of the weirdest days I have had in a while.  How about you?

Reader’s Anonymous or RA

Reader’s Block

What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without reading a book (since learning how to read, of course)? Which book was it that helped break the dry spell?

Another wonderfilled topic!

I have a problem. Yes, I will freely admit it.  If I start reading a book that interests me in the least, I can’t put the book down except to eat and sleep, almost. Yes, I’ll go to work, make dinner, take showers, but all other household duties will be procrastinated to the absolute last minute until I finish the last page of said novel(s).

For this reason, sometimes I can go a year or four without reading a book.  I wish I could be one of those people that can read a book a few pages here and there between all the other things that NEED to be done or a few pages before bed.  Unfortunately, for me, those other things, when I really think about it, don’t NEED to be done right this minute and can wait, and so can bedtime.

Call it obsessive, call it compulsive, whatever it is, I know I have had this problem since I was a teenager.  I have another related problem, too.

I like series of books.

Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice, Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean Auel, Harry Potter by J.K. Rowlings,  Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, Stephanie Meyers – Twilight, Dan Brown, and Suzanne Collins, Hunger Games.  Not to mention those I can’t imagine getting into like the Bourne series, Jack Ryan – Tom Clancy, Sue Grafton (A is for Alibi, etc.), J.R.R. Tolkien, Divergent, Chronicles of Narnia, Lemony Snicket, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Sherlock Holmes, the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew. Oh my gosh, I just realized I’d like to read some of those series!

Because of this sickness, I plan accordingly. I don’t pick up a book or visit the library unless I have the time to, well, I hate to call it waste, more like spend, right? If I have lots going on, the library is off limits unless it’s a book I need at the moment, like a quilting book or a book on mediation – something I’m currently learning, something I can read or skim one book for, and get one with it.

Once every few  years or more, I read Gone With the Wind.  I’ve done this since high school.  I’m about due for another read.

So, yeah, there is no “breaking of a dry spell”.  I bloody well know my limitations.  When I’m dang good and ready to devote pretty much my life to reading a novel or series of them, I’ll do so, but I just can’t do it ALL the time.

Yes, I just finished the Outlander Series again, but I think it’s been 2 or 3 years since I did one of my marathon reads.  Will it be that long until the next one?  Who knows?

Can  you recommend a good series?




Tea for Two or Three

Counting Voices

A lively group discussion, an intimate tête-à-tête, an inner monologue — in your view, when it comes to a good conversation, what’s the ideal number of people?

We have all been in group meetings, office business lunches, friends and family get-togethers, parties, restaurants, bars and clubs, and such.  You recall the bee-hive like hum of voices in large group settings when you step out into the hall. And, as you open the doors to go back in, how the noise is so overwhelming you feel like you can’t even hear yourself think?

At almost all of the above, except a business meeting, people break off into groups of 2 or more, usually not more than 5 or so, right?  And, even then, in any one group, only one person can do that talking at one time.  Have you ever actually not felt like talking and just hovered on the outskirts of a group, just listening and/or watching?

So, for heartfelt, intimate conversation, two would be optimum, no?  3, 4 or even 5 can still be a pretty nice conversation, but probably doesn’t lend itself as well to close encounters.

And, what’s this about inner monologue?  Doesn’t “mono” mean one?  Let me think, do I have conversations with myself and there is more than one voice inside my head?  No, I don’t think so, unless I actually pretend such.  How that that bode with the saying “It’s okay to talk to yourself as long as you don’t answer”? But, isn’t that the point of talking to yourself? To hash things out, come up with solutions, better understand a situation or your own feelings on the matter?

Here’s a better question – is it just me or do some of these daily prompts kind of (well, there is no better word for it) suck?

And, now back to quilting.  Yes, I’m actually working on a quilt throw of blocks my mother did.  I have the top sewn and have now started quilting.  Unfortunately, I still haven’t found someone to piece things for me so I can stick with my favorite part of quilting – free-motion machine quilting.  I’ll probably spend less time quilting than cutting, piecing and sewing.  Aww, yes, poor me, right?

I’ll put up pictures as soon as I am finished, which will probably be within the next couple days.


Free-write time, woo hoo!


Woo Hoo! Okay, so, I’ve been slightly absent lately.  I’ve got 10 minutes to tell you what’s up.

So, here it is.  I was “let go” from my job, took time to look over the severance agreement, signed up for unemployment, went to Chicago to see my daughter and grandson and new granddaughter for a week, read all 8 books from the “Outlander” series, finishing the last one a couple days ago, have been watching “Outlander” on Starz on Saturday nights (Awesome!), been chilling, and working on a quilt throw for my mom’s cousin that my mom did 12 blocks for.

What else?  Hemmed curtains for my daughter’s newly painted room, paid bills, made lots of dinners, did a bit of grocery shopping (my gosh has everything gone up in price?!), and pretty much not much else.

Daughter #2 got her wisdom teeth out (that was fun), had pizza lunch with someone, been trying to organize quilting materials (mom had lots of stuff, but it’s all in smaller type (fat quarters and maybe a yard or so) (too many scrappy quilts to make!), and tried 3 times to get together with my son for his birthday.

Haven’t been paying much attention to the post-season MLB baseball, though I usually like to watch the World Series, may not this year.

That’s the scoop. Took less than 10 minutes and less than 300 words. Whew! Oh, and one more thing, maybe more, I reconnected with a friend of mine who moved to Scotland 6 years ago, so that’s cool.  She’s a great-grandma now and has a Yorkshire Terrier dog.

I want to try Scottish Highland whiskey, anyone recommend a brand?

That’s about it for the last 5 weeks, oh, and job searching, no interviews yet, which I am sure will be fun!

What’s new in your world?

Oh, won’t you hand-me-down?


I was lucky.  I was the first-born daughter.  You can ask my sister about all the clothing hand-me-downs she had to endure.  I did have some, mostly from my aunt.  At the time, I thought them atrocious.  Now, as long as the item is in good shape and usable, I don’t mind.

But, I think not now, of clothes, kitchen tools, and other such things, so much as I think of all of my quilting tools, material, supplies, etc. – all hand-me-downs of a sort, from my mom.  These items were not given with the thought of “here, you can have this cause I don’t use it and you might be able to use it.”  No, they weren’t actually even given, so much as taken – because my siblings didn’t want or desire them, my dad certainly didn’t, and no one else in my family was interested four years after my mom died.

Yet, I do consider all these things hand-me-downs, technically.  I certainly wouldn’t have two rotary cutting mats, two rotary cutters, miscellaneous stencil templates used for quilting designs, two books of quilting design templates, several other quilting pattern books, plastic bins full of cotton material, markers, protractors, Gingher scissors, a shoebox full of DMC perle cotton of various colors, embroidery hoops out the zing zang, large format graph paper, a set of 6 completely embroidered quilt blocks completed, pins and needles galore, 12 Dresden plate blocks, a few other partially completed blocks for quilts, buttons out the wazzoo (of which I didn’t even keep them all), Grandma’s sewing machine and her cedar chest.

No, I would not have bought these things for myself, would I have?

I don’t know if you or I qualify these as hand-me-downs or inheritance, but they certainly hold slightly more, but not by droves, charm than my aunt’s old wool skirt made into a poncho with red fringe.

I don’t know if my mom and grandma are watching from heaven proud of my quilting accomplishments, or not. I’ve never done this hoping from kudos from those in the great beyond.

Yet, even though I care not to admit such, and perhaps my mom and grandma had no idea of the possibility, I do sometimes wonder – will someone take up where I have left off when I pass?  And should they wonder that I would have cared or not?

So, I’ll say it now.  I know I’ll probably never complete all my projects, or my mother’s, perhaps not even my grandmothers.  So, if my daughter or granddaughter, cousin, or friend feels the urge to take on these hand-me-downs of her own accord, for her own purposes, perhaps to finish what I started, and then finding joy and accomplishment in it herself, I can only hope that on the other side, I am, if even vaguely aware of such and able even to do nothing else, to place a spiritual hand on her shoulder and say “Well done, my sweet, enjoy your life and make it your own.”


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